Sick with Wanting: 12 Ways to Keep Greed Out of Christmas
Some of you may remember this post from four years ago. I decided to rewrite it and send it out again, as much for my own sake as for yours. Merry Christmas!
Yesterday I came into our living room to find my eight year old son, who was supposed to be in time-out, counting the gifts under the tree. “Dad, how come I only have two presents and my sisters have three?”
There were a few ways I could have answered. He may have been asking a simple question, and I could have told him that his third present is too big to fit under the Christmas tree. He may have been wondering if there is some kind of favoritism at play, and I would have assured him that he and his sisters are equally loved. And yet, if he’s anything like his dad, that question also comes from a place best described by the Avett Brothers’ song “Ill With Want”:
“I am sick with wanting
And it's evil and it's daunting
How I let everything I cherish lay to waste...
The more I have, the more I think,
’I'm almost where I need to be,
if only I could get a little more.’”
My wanting isn’t for robots and action figures, but I am right there with my son, especially this time of year. The Avett Brothers are right to refer to greed as “illness.” Greed is a sickness of the heart that makes us dissatisfied, always wanting more; ungrateful, thinking we aren’t getting what we deserve; anxious, always looking for the next goody. Greed perverts relationships - with God and people - into tools we use to feed our own hunger for more. We need help!
When we see something within us that we cannot fix, rather than despair, the best thing we can do is look beyond ourselves to the God who is full of wisdom and grace. With that in mind, here’s are twelve bits of biblical wisdom to help cure and protect our hearts that are so vulnerable to this sickness.
1. “For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you by his poverty might become rich” (2 Corinthians 8:9).
Tell the story of Christmas as it really was - a poor, teenage mother who gave birth to a baby in the squalor of a stable, away from family and home, who was about to flee for her life as a refugee.
2. “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).
Remember that sometimes our greed is not for luxury but for security (if I have a little more money, I’ll be secure). But whether for luxury or security, greed displaces God in our hearts. Real security is found in the never-leaving, never-forsaking love of God.
3. “If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and be filled,” and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that?” (James 2:15-16).”
Find ways to show mercy and generosity. For some, that may mean bringing groceries to the family that is in the throes of the first three months of a newborn. That may mean giving time to someone asking for a favor (sometimes we hoard our time even more than money). Or we can simply give our presence to someone who is lonely and hurting. Invite your children into these things with you. Everyone has something they can give, even children.
4. “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35)
Encourage your children to give their own gifts to the family (and if necessary, help them buy the gift and wrap it). Help them find pleasure in the anticipation of Mom’s face when she opens her gift from them.
5. “Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits.” (Psalm 103:2).
Each night leading up to Christmas, ask them to name three things they are thankful for. Help them to literally count their blessings, both physical and spiritual.
6. “He who loves money will not be satisfied with money, nor he who loves wealth with his income; this also is vanity” (Eccl. 5:10).
Teach them about the insatiable nature of greed in a way they’ll understand. I am thankful for the Berenstain Bears’ book The Green-Eyed Monster that has helped give our family words for the abstract idea of greed. “Don’t let the green-eyed monster in!” is more easily grasped by a child than “Don’t be greedy!” See also, The Berenstain Bears Get the Gimmies.
7. “Lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:19-21).
Toys break, Legos are lost, but the Word of our God remains forever. Let your children feel the transient nature of earthly treasures, that all things are cursed by the Fall. Don’t condemn toys as worthless (we are embodied creatures given good gifts to enjoy!), but model for them the superior and lasting joy of knowing Christ.
8. “For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it” (Matthew 13:17).
Tell them the Christmas story with an emphasis on how God’s people were waiting for the Advent of the Messiah. You could talk about how Mary waited and “treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart.” You could talk about Elizabeth waiting for many years to become a mother (Luke 1). You could talk about Simeon waiting his whole life for "the consolation of Israel.” Your child is not the only one who has waited with great longing for Christmas Day!
9. "And he said to them, 'Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions'" (Luke 12:15).
Do an audit of your Christmas traditions to see if they are reinforcing materialism. Should Susie really write a letter to send to the North Pole, detailing her list of requests she earned by being a good girl this year? Are you going into debt each year to make Christmas bigger and better than the year before? Is Christmas morning a ravenous feast of children tearing into wrapping paper? Some of our traditions are making us sick with wanting.
10. “For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies” (Romans 8:22-23).
Help them long for and wait on the right thing: the Second Coming of Christ, when all the things that make them hurt and cry will be removed and replaced with a Joy that will never become boring, lost, or obsolete. A great way to help long for the right thing (and point #8) is with the practice of a family Advent each Sunday, leading up to Christmas Day.
11. “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” (Psalm 139:23-24).
Asking God for help, search your own heart for any flavor of greed. Where have you let the green-eyed monster in? It could be greed for intangible things like success, power, approval, and control. It could be greed for tangible things like books, cars, clothes, houses. In an appropriate way, confess your own struggle with greed to your children, as well as your repentance. If you do all ten things listed above but still have the Gimmie Gimmies yourself, don’t expect your children to do otherwise.
12. “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10).
While we are responsible as parents for the kinds of things on this list (a daunting thought!), we do not have the power to change the hearts of our children (much less our own heart). We must trust Him, both to forgive and to change the heart. If you think that it is up to you to change hearts, you will set yourself up for frustration and crush the spirits of your children. We can’t be surprised that our children struggle with greed, when we do as well. Be gracious with them, knowing your shared, desperate need for Rescue. And celebrate when you see the work of God in them.
I know, it’s a lot. Don’t make a law out of these things. You don’t have to do them all, or do them perfectly. Even so, this is some of our God’s wise instruction for we who are so easily “sick with wanting.” Choose a few and put them into practice this year.
This will be the last you hear from me in 2022. As the year ends, I do want to remind you that SBC is a non-profit ministry. If you have been blessed by our ministry and want to see it grow, consider making a year-end gift so we can continue to serve and equip God’s people through the ministry of biblical counseling.
Merry (greed-free) Christmas!
David
